Christmas is Not What it Use to Be

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the holidays. But there not what they use to be.The Christmas spirit just isnt in the air. Times have changed. People don’t value the important things anymore; like family, love and respect. Christmas shopping and spending money is the only things you hear about. When we do it all year around anyways. I get tired of buying the same annoying toys that only end up broken or lost. Then its all those holiday events and school fundraisers. As for most people, Christmas its about receiving not giving. They care little bit about bringing joy to others and more about themselves. The true meaning of Christmas has been distorted by materialistic things. The only thing that should matter is who you have this holiday to share with, not how many presents are under the tree. Yet that doesnt mean I dont like to be surprised with some jewlery or sexy shoes; its just not that serious. Love and family is so priceless,no matter of money or presents can buy something so pure. So with this holiday season cherish what you have not what you get. Christmas is overrated don’t get caught up in the hype and go broke. Anything you can buy as a xmas present, you can buy any time of year. So let’s eat, drink, love and laugh with the ones we hold dearest to our hearts. Christmas only comes once a year, enjoy it whole heartedly.

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Autism, Genes and Twins

Finding out you are expecting fraternal or identical twins is literally life changing and scary all at the same time. So many thoughts and questions run through your head. Like how will I nurture two lives at once?  Will I go into preterm labor? What if one twin makes it and the other twin doesn’t? But the biggest question for many parents is;  will one twin have special needs or be born on the autism spectrum?

Some moms already have an autistic child and fear they will have another. Other parents look at those 1 and 68 odds of a child being born with autism and think; could that be my child? The rest, know it runs in their family or its genetic based and know an autism diagnosis is always a possiblilty. But in the end, every real parent knows; they will not love their children any differently; autism or not. Because bringing two thriving babies and a healthy mom into this world; should be the only thing that matters in the end.

For being born with autism does not define an individual, especially a growing child. Nor does it makes or break them. Its who they were created to be. Twins teach us that in gene studies. As there is a strong link between autism spectrum disorders and genes. In identical twins, babies have the same exact DNA and during pregnancy share same placenta/environment. So the chances only one twin is born with autism, is slim to none. Yet if one twin isn’t on the spectrum, the other most likely isnt either. But in fraternal twins, like my 3 year old sons; only one twin was on the spectrum. Because twins only share 50% of the same DNA and occupy separate placentas. So its very likely you can have one twin born with autism, the other not. As genes make up who we are and what we look like. 

Theres no single gene that points to autism, rather symptoms that are expressed by particular gene mutations. Some research points to mutuations in two specific genes; FOXP2 and UBE3a. Where possessing these particular genes can signal autism, language disorders and repetitive behaviors; among other signs. But still more research needs to be done to back this proof. So although genes and twin studies doesn’t account for everything; its safe to say genetics play a big role in the “cause” or origin of autism spectrum disorders. The more we know,the more aware we are and the more knowledge we can pass on to our future generations when it comes to autism.

Girls in Puberty on the Autism Spectrum

For a young girl in puberty, life can become an emotional rollercoaster filled with hormones, anxiety and lots of weird changes.She is adjusting to this “new” body as she embraces the beginnings of womanhood.It’s a time in her life where she is discovering boys, trying to see where she fits in  and academics become much more important. But for a girl with autism, this time of her life can be the hardest. When she needs her parents the most, especially mommy. Now is the time to build a mother-daughter bond that will last a lifetime. She needs to know you are just like her; just one of the girls. That you understand these changes; the developing breatss and training bras. The pubic hair, smelly arm pits and mood swings. So she can trust you when it comes to handling this thing called puberty and with any obstacle that may come her way. Because unlike neurotypical girls, autistic girls lack awareness and understanding of those common sense things. Often times they are naive to the social stuff and lack good judgment which can cause risky behavior such as sex and pregnancy. They also can experience higher hormone levels that can trigger violence, aggression and more repetitive behaviors. Especially if she has already begun her period or menustrual cycle. So they find it difficult understanding what’s going on in their bodies. They are trying to figure out why they feel the way they feel; on top of knowing they are “different” Coping with all these “horrific” changes and feelings, it can take a toll on a preteen/teen girl. Plus keeping up with the social scene in school may be confusing. Not picking up on social cues, invading the personal space of others and not knowing when someone does or doesn’t want their friendship. Which helps explain why autistic girls are also at higher risk for depression and anxiety due to struggling with social skills, peer pressure; coupled with high levels of hormones. So as a mom you do what you do with any child, hold her tight and help on her this journey through puberty. Get her the girly essentials that make her look, smell and feel good. The deodorant, body spray and those pink sanitary pads. Show her videos about her body, talk to her and ask questions. Love her through the ups and downs because puberty won’t last forever, but her bond with you will.

Undiagnosed Autism in Adults

Back then parents, teachers and caregivers were unaware and uneducated about autism spectrum disorders. I mean, if you don’t know something exist, how can you know what signs to look for? Many parents thought that their child may be just”troubled” and needed a spanking. While others thought of autism as a “phase” children grow out of. So many children grew up “different”, socially awarkward and undiagnosed. They grew into adults with autism symptoms, but with no actual diagnosis. Without access to therapies and support services like our children have today. Support necessary to combat autism symptoms and to live a quality, adult life. So when signs go unnoticed and diagnosis never occurs in childhood or the teenage years; intervention and improvement never happens. Symptoms get worse and can become even normal to those individuals living with this invisible neurological condition. Yet struggling is not living and they know it. It can be confusing, depressing and defeating when you feel different but don’t know why. So adults with undiagnosed autism often struggle to cope with daily life or “normal” life as we know it. Until they understand who they are and what it is about them that makes them feel different. Then through awareness they can embrace who they are. Realizing that they are no different than all the “normal” people they know.  Its just they perceive and feel the world more deeply. They communicate differently but with the biggest hearts. Living with autism as an adult isn’t bad, when you know what you have and understand it. Its the unknown that can be the most dangerous of all.

Why do We Need Laws to Breastfeed in Public?

Since when do we need laws to have the freedom to feed our babies in public? We dont need permission or a law to grant us the right to pop out a boob. To do what our bodies were created to do; uncovered or not. Yet its okay for women to walk around topless and that act to be glorified and encouraged. So basically society is saying it’s okay to expose our breasts for sexual gratification but not to supply our children with food?  But men don’t deal with such scrutiny when going topless. Its just one of those double standards we as women face. But no woman or mom should be ridiculed or made to feel embarrassed by doing what’s best for her child. Just as its her free will to breastfeed in public, anyone else who doesn’t like it; has the right to turn their head! Its that simple. But I think the real issue is, is that women are use to being objectified as sex objects so it’s hard for people to see them as nurturers with skin exposed. Some may even feel guilty for getting aroused watching a baby suck a woman’s nipple. No matter what others think, feel and say;  women shouldn’t need a law that says its okay to feed her child. Its just sexist and ignornance at its finest. 

Real Men Respect Women with Standards

We can point the finger at men and talk about how much they are dogs.Yet the real issue is why women feel the need to sacrifice their self worth for a man. Either women have high or low standards;  or none at all. Or its possibly due to low self esteem, lack of awareness or just plain stupidity. We accept behavior from men that we shouldnt. But we as women need to know we set the tone for the way men will treat us. As men are pretty simple creatures who think about love, dating and relationships in a simple way. Either you are somebody they just want to sleep with or they want something more with you. There’s really no in between. Generally speaking a man will only do what you allow him to do. He will only give what your willing to accept, unless you say and show otherwise. So if a man doesn’t respect you and everything that entails you, he isn’t for you. No matter how much he says he likes, cares or loves you. If a man doesn’t know your worth. He never will. Because real men respect women with standards who know what they want and deserve. Its up to us as Queens to love ourselves first and to never settle for less than we deserve. The real men will follow.

Promise Rings Aren’t for Real Women

Has anyone ever given you a promise ring while in a committed relationship? A promise ring is something that resembles a committment of some sort. To one another and/or a future promise of some sort. Not to be confused with an engagement ring. Which represents the real thing. Getting engaged with the intentions to get married. A lifetime commitment between two people. Promise rings can apply to different situations in different relationships. Making the purpose of these rings too “wishy washy” and pointless. A woman shouldnt need a promise ring to feel secure in a relationship. Nor should a man feel compelled to give a woman one to “shut her up” or to show her how much he loves her. Because then its not genuine relationship taking its natural course. So whether its her own insecurities or his way of saying “hes not ready to settle down”. Promise rings arent for real wonen who want real relationships. In the end,  the woman is the one selling herself short. Especially if her goal is a wedding ring. Theres just no point in promise rings. Unless its for kids and teens when they in “puppy love”. Women in real relationships shouldnt need a promise rings to define who you are to their partners. What is understood doesn’t need to be explained, right?