Self Love is Generational

Self love is the basis of who we are as men and women. It influences our actions, behaviors and attitudes. Where how we feel about ourselves is established in childhood and nurtured through the teen years and evolves in adulthood. We love ourselves, the way we were loved and taught how to love. Through our upbringings, family relationships and our peers. Thus if we aren’t taught to love ourselves; we won’t value our minds, bodies and souls as we should. If we aren’t shown or given love, growing up; we don’t know how to love others the way they deserve. Nor do we know what to kind of love to expect from others. So we often settle because we aren’t fully aware of how to love ourselves. In turn we may let others take advantage of us or settle for less than we deserve. Because if we don’t know better; we can’t do better.

For self love is a life time journey; we never stop loving ourselves. Its just that we need to learn to love ourselves better and want to change our ways. As we can never change the past, our upbringings or mistakes we have made. All we can do is move on with hopes of becoming a better person. Thus its important to understand what self love means and how to love ourselves; each day. Understanding we will make mistakes; until we figure out “what’s for us and what’s not.”  Caring for ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally; to better ourselves inside and out. Remembering who we are, the reason we wake up every day and what the future may possibly hold. For we are all a work in progress and life is too short to not spend it; “grinding” or loving the skin we are in.

Fighting Domestic Violence: Can the Abuser Change?

Domestic violence is often times generational, but change is possible; depending on the person, situation and relationship. So whether it be mental/emotional, physical or sexual; abuse is abuse. Meaning the abusers, more than likely have been abused themselves or witnessed that particular behavior in their upbringing. So to get to “the bottom” of the domestic violence, the abusers must “dig deep” within themselves to heal their own issues. In addition, there is the likelihood of mental health issues; even high functioning ones like autism and ADHD, that are often overlooked. These neurological conditions play a role in domestic violence as does any mental condition, that affect our actions and behavior. It just isn’t talked about like alcoholism and DV; which was discovered to not have a direct link to cause one or the other. But it was concluded to be separate issues that often occur together within families and relationships.

Thus domestic violence is a family issue; as many times children are also involved. So we must be careful to approach each domestic violence case, separately. Not every relationship or situation is the same; nor is every abuser the same. There needs to be more programs geared to prevent domestic violence in the home. Ones to aid families in every day issues they face; such as parenting special need children, housing and lack of child care. Issues that only increase the likelihood of domestic violence within the family unit. Yet there needs to be resources for men; who are usually (not always) the abusers. There needs to be opportunities for rehabilitation like counseling and parenting; for the man and father to change. From there is up to him or the abuser to change his ways. As often times, many men don’t seek help for their issues and are considered “unmanly” for needing help. Thus they don’t ask, seek or expect help; the abuse continues.

Women don’t want to leave an abusive relationship, marriage or situation for various reasons. One is financial reasons or because their professional lives are intertwined. Many moms are patiently waiting and hoping for change because they have children with their abusive partner. And don’t really want to tear their families’ apart; unless its a last resort. But yet they have endured enough and want to protect themselves and their children. So they seek help, but their isn’t much. So many women stay in the relationship and continue to stand by the partners or abusers; hoping for change. Where some do work it out together; in time with intervention, support and counseling. But not every case of domestic violence is the same, nor is every family. A lot of abusers don’t change; with or without help. Families get torn apart and the domestic cycle continues. Thus education, intervention and preventive services for women, children and families is necessary for healing and growth. To ensure the cycle of DV is not repeated or “passed” along to our children; and to keep our families together. As domestic violence isn’t just a “women’s issue”; its a family issue. Our children are our future.

 

 

 

 

 

“Tough Love”: Raising Kings and Queens

To raise our boys and girls to be kings and queens; the journey starts at home. Beginning with mommy and daddy; the family members that make a difference in our children’s lives. Giving them that “tough love”; that unconditional care that comes with no price tag. By getting up every day, doing what’s best for them. Regardless of what others may say, think or feel. Making sacrifices to raise them right, even when it seems its all wrong. Putting everything and everyone last; so that they always come first.

For tough love isn’t something we want to do as parents, but its crucial in raising children. It’s necessary for a child’s inner growth and character, no matter how “bad” it makes them or us feel. For disciplining them for wrong doing or not giving in to their every want; is just as important as them having the latest kicks or newest toys. There needs to be a balance in raising children, not entitlement. Children need to understand what hard work means, the value of a dollar and what it means to stay in a “child’s place.”

Therefore it’s important we be parents to our children; not their “friends.” Not trying to “appease” them, but teaching them right from wrong. Doing the not so pretty things like taking away toys when they do wrong. Not giving into the “fake” tears or broken promises of “being good”. Getting rid of electronics and phones; when they are irresponsible. Enforcing curfews, teaching them boundaries and instilling morals in our children. “Playing the bad guys” and do the “dirty work” to get the job done. After all, no one ever said raising children was an easy job. But if we are going to do it; we must do it right.

In the end, we as “seasoned” parents understand that to raise our boys and girls to be kings and queens it takes “tough love”. Not sometimes; but most of the time. We are aware that parenting is a full time job; regardless of what we do for a living or how much money we have. That motherly and fatherly love isn’t always “happy” and perfect; it’s emotional, stressful and unpredictable. And the only way to show our children, is to be about it. Being a king or queen “in action” every day; will encourage our children to strive to be the best person they can be. A future king or queen in the “making”.

A Woman’s Worth

Self love is the basis of a woman’s self esteem. So how she thinks, feels and acts about herself; will determine her actions. Where she is going in life and what she will and will not accept from others.

A woman’s worth can best be described by how much she values her mind, body and soul. How she carries herself and what she is all about; inside and out. For a woman who values herself; knows what she wants and creates her own path. As she values herself so much, so she invests in herself and all that entails her; especially her offsprings.

For a woman’s worth is the foundation of  her past, present and future. As it evolves with time and changes when a woman “levels up” or does some big things. Or when she removes herself from people, places or things that dont resonate with who she is anymore. Her worth goes way up!

For a woman sets the “bar” for how a man or woman will treat her. As by her appearance, words and actions; much can be conveyed about who a woman is and what sets her apart from the crowd. A woman who values herself will chase a degree, not a man. She would rather work for hers, rather than wait for a man to give it to her. Yet one that doesn’t know her worth; is looking towards a man to “show” her the way. She equates her worth on how much he does or does not love her. But in the end a woman’s worth is defined, built and enhanced; by herself. Her approval is the only thing, necessary for her to feel valued.

Therefore a woman who values herself will make mistakes, but she will learn and grow from them. She will even question who she is at some point in time. Yet she will remember all her struggles and all that she has overcame; and instantly she reminded of who she is. A phenomenal woman who knows her worth and will never settle for less.